“We cannot track you when you are in the U.S.”
ChinaAid, a Christian association in the U.S. that defends freedom of religion in China, recently published an article I wrote about a Chinese pastor that was detained by authorities and, in general, the deplorable situation of religious freedom in China.
The moment I read the email notifying me of the link to my article on this organization website, I shivered; the thought of being tracked by the Chinese government filled me with dread. I burned the bridges to going back home.
Suddenly, I was taken back to the day I was forced to submit my resignation at the university I worked in Beijing. I naively thought that my failure to get a promotion was due to the fact that I lacked a higher degree rather than my refusal to join the Communist Party, so I decided to pursue a master’s degree in the U.S.
I had told my supervisors and university (Communist) Party leaders that I hoped to resume my teaching at the university after I obtained my master’s degree from the United States, but I was told if I left to the States I would never be employed with the university again.
I still remember what the Party Secretary of the university told me before I left China. He looked at me callously and said indifferently, “We cannot employ you even if you have a compelling academic background, because we cannot track you in the United States.” He also “kindly” gave me this piece of advice, “I suggest you not contact any Falungong people, Tibetan extremists or other human rights activists.” He smirked, like most Communist Party cadres constantly did.
Fear was an integral part of my life in China. I grew up in an atmosphere where parents threatened their children by saying the police would come to arrest you if you misbehaved. When I traveled abroad as a tourist, I was threatened by the government not to speak to any Falungong member or other human rights activist. When I worked during the Olympic Games as a volunteer, I was ordered to use a prepared answer written by the government when foreigners asked questions about Tibet, Taiwan and other human rights issues. When I left China, the Party Secretary of the university where I used to teach threatened me that I would never be employed even if I got my degree in the U.S.
Yes, I’m afraid, but I also know that courage is not absence of fear but the ability to conquer your fears, and I trust God to help me overcome my fears and live as a true Christian. I know that His promises are true:
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” (Psalm 23:4)
